Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
