after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize