Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
