My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
