just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
