that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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