if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Don't tell me you're on acid again
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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