it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
