I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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