There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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