This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
