well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize