I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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