I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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