I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
