She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
