Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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