Kiss
Puke
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize