She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
