i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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