Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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