so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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