cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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