I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
