I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize