he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There's always time for handjobs
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
