just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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