I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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