its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
