We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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