Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
