never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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