uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
