Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
