So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
