dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
