Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He shit in the fireplace
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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