that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
