Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
