Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
