dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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