it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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