Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
