you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
