Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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