"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
