Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I cockslap morals
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize