I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
