I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
