I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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