I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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