i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
