What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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