I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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