I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
