I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
