Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
