oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
