My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
