im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
