nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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