Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
