Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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