Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
