No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
