I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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