come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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