I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
