so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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