I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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