how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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