he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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