Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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